Cards Against Humanity Solo: You Laugh, You Lose!

So, I decided to broaden my horizons and play a solo board game instead of an RPG. The reason for this is me getting Tabletop Simulator, which allows me to play board games without having to actually clear the table to get the game out, and then have the board game lay around while I type out the play-by-play commentary.

Orginally, I was gonna play King of Tokyo with the assistance of a solo card system to emulate another player, but I’m instead gonna play Cards Against Humanity. Why? Because I am contractually obligated to play it.

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LITERALLY!

As you can see with the messy haired man in the leather suit holding said contract and the fairy-tale themed sample cards, we’re playing a different deck, with cards based around the TV show Once Upon A Time (not to be confused with the card game). That said, however, the two sample combinations are hilarious enough with our without the show’s context.

And this inspired me to make a solo game out of Cards Against Humanity. The rules are pretty rough draft, so bare with me on this. You draw a Black Card face up, then flip a White Card face up. If the combination makes you laugh, you put the two cards to one side of a table where their points will add. If you don’t laugh, however, you put only the white card to the opposite side where their points will subtract. If you go through five white cards without a single one making you laugh, you then get to put the black card to the “didn’t laugh” side.

At the end of the game (when either deck runs out of cards), you tally up the points. Cards you laughed at add while cards you didn’t laugh at subtract. White cards are worth one point whereas black cards are worth two. The aim is to get the lowest amount of points possible. Alright, everyone got that? Good. Let’s begin!

So, after three cards, I managed to get a chuckle from “Blow up the mines, you never forget your first”. If only because the combination implies that this isn’t the first mine they blew up.

The next one got me laughing right out of the gate. “All magic comes with plot holes. Lots and lots of plot holes.” I’ve seen one too many fantasy where that’s the case.

Just when I thought I’d score my first black card into the “didn’t laugh” category, I get the combo of “Ripping out your father’s heart to get a one night stand with Frankenstein.”

While “Girl’s night out with Pinocchio’s Hard Wood” didn’t make me laugh, the smirk I gave was enough to have those cards score against me.

Though, thankfully, I managed to score a Black Card, since no white cards made me laugh. The situation was regarding making a deal, and the last card involved three genies and two mages. Didn’t get a chuckle. The closest thing was “making a deal to deal for it”, but I would not let that slide.

I’m gonna skim the rest of the game and bring up only some cool notes. Like how a few combinations actually can mirror the show that it was based off.

Here are some lines that made me laugh right out of the gate, as in I drew a card and instantly laughed. “There are certain rules of magic, except for flying monkeys.” “Terrible news! A heartless bitch whose name means heart! It’s coming!” “Helping people, it’s just not what faeries do.” “It’s a show about a town in Maine” (well, it’s TRUE!) “Welcome to being related to everyone in town.” “Beauty and a pirate that ran away with your child’s grandmother.” “Being in love with a cold-blooded dragon bitch.” “I have a super power, it’s being pregnant for 28 years!”

And some combos that, while didn’t make me laugh, were interesting for game ideas. “It’s more than a book. It grows when he lies.” “Being the child of Peter Pan’s grandchild and dealing with the devil of fairy tale land.”

Other notable stuff include: “I need a caretaker for the seabitch.” “I’m gonna skin a sorcerer with family issues.”

So, ending the game, I scored a total of -43. Not bad for a first game. It’s a pretty fun and quick game to play solo. I’ll count this as a win.

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