Bowsette The Beast

Now, before, I had stated that I wouldn’t play The Beast because of how unsettling it was. Well, I took a closer look at the cards in the game and realized there were some pretty safe for work questions that I could tackle. So, I’ll throw caution to the wind and play through The Beast.

For this Beast… I have had quite an idea. Thanks in large part to all these memes that kept floating around, today’s guest will be none other than Bowsette! You can thank various people who posted videos of her for giving me this idea. Let’s begin!

Her smell is akin to brimstone. Her skin, while smooth to the touch, does leave behind an impression of scales. I hide her in my computer. I am attracted by Bowsette’s height, though repulsed by her arrogant personality. And I already know she’s a she so… Yep. Well, that’s Day 1 done.

Not sure how the numbering will go given how I’m skipping all the sex-related questions, but here goes!

Day 2: How did your daily schedule change since Bowsette appeared in your life?

Well, for starters, after a long, busy day, I come back home to Bowsette as she greets me in her usual aggressive way. It’s not akin to the “it’s not like I like you or anything, idiot” approach, but instead more of a “look who’s back for more! Gwahahahaha!”. Admittedly, the first few days were scary and she practically drove my life in how I browse the internet, but after a while she grew on me.

At night, she would come out of the computer and we’d snuggle for a bit. Sometimes we just sleep and then wake up in the morning. I go out for work and she heads back to the computer.

Day 3: What are the symptoms of the disease you caught from Bowsette?

Insomnia. Broken bones. High body temperature. Though I’m pretty sure that’s just from the snuggling last night and not an actual disease.

Day 4: How can you tell that Bowsette perceives your presence?

I basically log onto the computer and she knows it’s me. Remember Bonzi Buddy? Yeah. Like that.

Day 5: In what way-and how often-does Bowsette show affection?

She shows her affection by lying down on top of me and covering me. She insists she’s “protecting me”. If she really gets affectionate, she hires a plumber to come over while she has me locked up in a cage.

Day 6: Bowsette wasn’t there when you came to visit. How do you satisfy yourself?

Really? Anything. Play some League, chat with people in Discord, check the solo groups on Mewe and Reddit, write fanfiction, etc.

Day 7: Bowsette gave you a gift. What is it?

You know that piranha plant bouquet that Bowser tried to give Peach? Yeah. That. Admittedly, it was freaky, but it helped clear away those meddlesome wasps. God, I hate wasps.

Day 8: What does Bowsette feed on? How does it do it? How challenging is it to find fodder for Bowsette?

Since Bowsette is effectively a virtual figure, she feeds on data. So, I give her data in the form of “trash waifus”, or basically pictures of other anime girls that people define as “trash”. She got sick after a while so I had to feed her pictures of this girl called Zero-Two.

Day 9: What does Bowsette provide you with? What need of yours does it fulfill?

It has been scary these past few nights. Having Bowsette by my side helps me feel safe. Granted, I’d appreciate not being in a cage or being crushed, but hey, cie la vie.

Day 10: Someone broke into the place where you hide Bowsette. What happened to them?

They got incinerated is what happened. So, good thing I have an anti-virus program in the form of Bowsette.

Day 11: Your friend insists on you introducing them to “your new special friend”. What do you say?

I shrugged and introduced him to Bowsette. Instantly he facepalmed because I was practically dating a meme. I tried to keep Bowsette in check after yesterday’s… crispy end. By the end of the day, Bowsette and my friend seemed to hit it off.

Day 12: Your body started to transform after repeatedly being in contact with Bowsette. How does this manifest?

My bones have become more stronger, my skin more fire-resistant, and I think I grew a few inches.

Day 13: Bowsette will be giving birth soon. Are you happy about it?

I’m more or less confused as to how Bowsette got pregnant in the first pla… My friend. Damn it! I knew they were too into each other! … Eh, I guess I can be happy for her at least.

Day 14: The last day.

However, I know I wouldn’t be as good of a father as my friend, so I gave her a month or two to recover from her pregnancy, then offered her the chance to live with my friend. She accepted and I transferred the data of both her and Bowsette Jr. over to him. She still visits me from time to time, but I know that she loves my friend more…

And I’m okay with that.

After all, I’ve decided to focus more on this new girl.

She said her name was Monika.

Yeah, I guess I’ll focus on Monika.


Just Monika.

Just Monika.

Just Monika.

Okay, so that was a nice thought experiment. Granted, from the questions of the game, it’s definitely more intended for something like The Shape of Water, but I decided to do something lighter and softer.

Well, I think it’s about good time as any to start cracking into some Halloween games. Bon Voyage, Gamers.


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