Stat It: The Feast of Legends

So, I’ve kinda established myself as a gamer who goes to the absurd for his solo games, whether it be playing a simplified D6 system based off Snakes on a Plane, playing a simplistic combat-heavy game just to say my character beat up Hitler, using the common ancestor of all RPGs to play out a rat invasion, or even outright playing the worst RPG ever just to see if it can be solo’d.

Well, I can say that I’ve been out absurded…

There’s an RPG made by Wendy’s. I’m not making this up.

Feast of Legends is its name and I gotta say, it’s absolutely legit. Rather than it being a meme RPG where it just apes the D20 system and gives you a silly setting based off Wendy’s stuff, it instead has its own unique system and while it does base its setting off Wendy’s products, it’s not entirely blatant advertising.

Okay, a bit of a stretch, considering how the entire plot of the campaign in its rulebook is that we have to fight a monster called the Ice Jester. If you know anything about Wendy’s, you know that they pride themselves off having fresh, never frozen patties. And I don’t think I need to say who the Jester represents.

In a way, it’s an official version of that Disney & Nintendo vs. WB & Sony campaign I made years ago, where Mickey was regarded as the Jesus Christ of cartoons and the Looney Tunes were akin to pagan gods.

So, naturally, I want to play a game of this. And so, the first thing I do is Stat It.

First off, a disclaimer: While Wendy’s is within my top 10 burger places, it’s nowhere near the top five or even top three. My heart belongs to Harvey’s for their juicy burgers, with second place being store bought burgers that have cheese stuffed inside of them. With that said, if I fail to notice a reference to Wendy’s products or even lore (I know McDonalds has some lore), this is the reason why.

So the story takes place on a circular island known as Beef’s Keep. The best way to sum it up is Westeros, but instead of incest, dragons, and political backstabbing, it’s all food-based puns… In fact, I think the better idea would be to say this is basically the setting of the Phantom Tollbooth, but replace all the math and word puns with food and make the villain the White Walkers.

Characters have five stats:

• Strength
• Intelligence
• Charm
• Arcana
• Grace

All self-explanatory with the exception of Grace, which is basically Dexterity. The way you generate these stats is through rolling 4d4, or as the game likes to refer to it: “4 for $4”… The first Wendy’s reference and it flew over my head at first.

The Orders, which are your classes, are extremely interesting. There are three major Orders: Chicken, Beef, and Sides, each one having a unique property. Chicken Orders are mostly magical in origin as they access otherworldly cuisine (remember, the realm is called Beef’s Keep), Beef Orders are more naturally strong, and Sides are the misc. In them are five suborders that mirror that of a meal in Wendy’s menu, with Beef only having four, presumably due to their “Never Frozen” ability.

After skimming through the list of classes, the idea of someone from the Order of the Frosty might be a cool idea, especially going with the idea that they were from the Deep Freeze (their equivalent of Beyond the Wall) and needing to prove to the rest of Beef’s Keep that she wishes to defeat the Ice Jester.

So, let’s get to work. I roll up my 4 for 4 Stats.

12, 13, 11, 12, 9

So, because I’m playing a Frosty, I put the 13 in Charm (becoming 15) and I put one of the 12s in Arcana to make. The rest go across the various stats, with 9 going into Strength, 12 going into Intelligence, and 11 going into Grace.

Then I roll for my HP. 9 Health. Next up are skills, which is what my character’s powers are. My powers paint me as, to use 5e terms, an Enchantment Wizard, which makes me figure out a bit of her backstory now.

Elsanna is the daughter of the Ice Jester, born from an unholy ritual. The union of flesh and ice was what the Jester needed for his conquest of Beef’s Keep. Over time, he had sent her to fool towns into believing she’s a lost soul begging for warmth, only for her to freeze their hearts and have them massacre each other in cold hatred, rising back from the dead as his Wights.

However, this isn’t to say that Elsanna herself was cold. Over time, she warmed up to the people of Beef’s Keep and saw the error of her ways. Push came to shove when the Ice Jester’s machinations destroyed a town she was hoping to retire and hide away in, killing a little girl she befriended in the process.

Fed up with her father’s schemes, she travels to Frestovia where she hopes to inform Queen Wendy of the Ice Jester and his plans… However, because of this, she has two challenges, one from her father, who seeks to reclaim what is his and turn her back into the weapon he always saw her as, and the other from the denizens of Freshtovia, who worry and fear for her powers, knowing the rumors of an ice woman who spells doom to everyone she meets.

In the end, Elsanna must prove to the world that the one meat that can be frozen and yet thawed back to its freshness is the heart.

… Okay, I actually like this. It’s a pretty decent story I have going with multiple threads to utilize and I’m hyped to play this game soon… So, after equipping her with some weapons and gear (which are cute as the armors are stuff like aprons and red polos, while the weapons are utensils), I-

As you’ve probably discerned, food is a major aspect of Feast of Legends. As such, what you’re eating in the real world will create direct buffs that affect your character in the game. Each of these buffs will go into effect for the entire duration of play for the day. So you might want to swing by your local Wendy’s or hit up delivery real quick.

Just as important, if you’ve settled for something other than Wendy’s, it can cause your character to weaken. Players eating any of the following during gameplay will gain the following debuffs for the duration of the session.

From the actual Feast of Legends Book, pg 12

… Alright, time to house rule away this blatant marketing tactic!

The buffs and debuffs only apply in the universe of the RPG. Freshtovia has access to all of these fine Wendy’s products that give you +1 boosts to your stats. However, stepping out means you have to rely on the outside meals unless you are resourceful and can make your own Wendy’s style food.

It’s one thing to create an RPG to promote your brand… It’s another to encourage buying the products by making it a gameplay element. Bon Voyage, Gamers.